Something bothersome

So, I feel like I more often talk about things that I like on here, and I also really hesitate to share my opinion, but today I'd like to talk about something that's been bothering me.

Lately, I've been hearing something a lot--something about how people perceive things. I feel like a lot of people have been saying things like, I'm not one of those "perfect" [insert certain type of person here]. And maybe it shouldn't bother me. Maybe I should just ignore these comments, but whenever I hear people say things like this, I want to remind them that all of us are different and we have so much to learn from our differences.

All of us make mistakes. All of us have different strengths and different weaknesses. Christ lived a perfect life, but the things that I hear when people make these comments do not sound like people wanting to be more like Christ. These comments sound like people feeling like there is some perceived ideal that doesn't even exist that they are either happily different from or trying to become. I am pretty sure that anyone who would be considered to fit this mold would not agree that they fit the mold.

One of the things that I've studied about and that I really love is that everyone is different, and by using our different strengths, we can strengthen each other. I wish I could better describe how I feel about this concept because I think it is so incredible. People are given strengths and talents and gifts. However, people also have weaknesses. But if we work together and use our strengths to the best of our ability and work on our weaknesses and allow others to help in areas that we are weak, we can become so much greater, not only individually but also as a whole, as humans. We can teach each other. I've learned how to improve on some of my weaknesses by learning from others who have strengths in those areas. We have so much that we can learn from each other. We have so much that we can do and become if we work together and do our best.

I wish we could better see how people are so different and unique and talented in different ways. I think that it is possible for us to embrace our differences while still striving to become the best person we can be. I think that we are meant to be different so we can learn from each other, and I love it so much.

Mornings

As most people know, mornings are so not my thing. I'm trying, but I really struggle. I sleep through my alarms (yes, multiple), and then I have the hardest time with feeling optimism and energy in the morning, except maybe on Sundays (Sundays make me happy so I feel happy pretty quickly).

Some mornings, like today, I seriously feel like I can't focus on anything. I try to keep my eyes open and maintain focus and energy, but I just drift off into sleepiness or mindless distraction or personal daydreaming. It makes me feel bad to have so little focus when I really need to be focusing. Maybe I just need more sleep. I feel like there have been times in my life where I've been not exactly a morning person, but I've been more my optimistic self in the mornings, but that just has not been lately. It takes until midday for me to muster up much enthusiasm and zest for life.

Lately, I have some really great friends who have wanted to carpool with me to campus. It has made my mornings much better! Our carpool has only worked out a couple of times so far. I was sick a bit last week. And then I didn't hear my alarms this morning, and I woke up to my friend calling me asking if I was ready to go. Oops! I felt bad.

However, I think this story goes to show how much I love people, but this semester I haven't had many people to talk to during the day. I work on my computer and sometimes IM people, but it's pretty quiet. I also don't really have many people that I get to talk to on campus. But seeing or talking to friends in the morning just makes me happier. I feel like it helps me wake up and helps remind me who I really want to be. Because honestly, I feel like people are the most important. I want to be someone who loves and serves people. Therefore, I'm feeling so grateful for my friends who wanted to carpool with me.

I am planning to keep working on being better at waking up. Maybe I should go to bed earlier. That might help. So I'll keep doing my best. And even if carpooling doesn't necessarily work out (but I hope it does), I like how we've been trying to do it because it's taught me more about how I can be a better me.

2013 Thanks

Rather than focusing on goals right now, I really just want to focus on things I'm thankful for right now and from this last year.


I'm thankful for

1. People-family, friends, coworkers, and classmates. I am so blessed! 
• Some of you in particular really helped me this past year, and please forgive me if I forget someone,  but thank you for being there for me, making me feel loved, and for being my friends, Jordan, Lauren, and Chelsea, Tiny, Steve, Sierra, James, Annie, Hailey, Jodi, Chelsea, Kristen, Scott, Deb, Camille, Camilla, Chris, Joel, Rebecca, Courtney, Mallory, Ty, Lauren S, Lyndi, Marissa, Meredith, Paul, and of course my wonderful family. I love you all so much!
2. School-I checked my final grades, and my gpa for the semester was 3.70. I worked very hard but also feel very blessed.
3. Jesus Christ-I feel like I have come to better understand my savior, Jesus Christ, this year. Christmas this year felt very Christ-centered, mainly because I made an effort to make it more Christ-centered, and I loved it. I spent most of the year as a Relief Society teacher, and I have really enjoyed the calling. I've had to work to strengthen my testimony about many things so that I can teach about it. I have had to learn to listen to the spirit even more so that I can teach what Heavenly Father wants me to be teaching. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and my beliefs shape my life and help me feel peace and joy and love. More than anything, my belief in Christ gives me hope. I feel and believe the gospel of Jesus Christ to be true. I sometimes have my doubts, but I do believe. 
4. Music-I went to many concerts this year. I saw Tim McGraw and Faith Hill in Las Vegas with my mom. I saw Tim McGraw with my friend Chelsea. I went to Josh Groban (he's so amazing!!), sat outside a Josh Turner concert, and went to Luke Bryan's concert. I also went to a few fantastic musicals. I went to Shrek the Musical, which is the BEST! I went to Tarzan and I believe it was this year when I also went to Hello Dolly. I also went to the Messiah Sing In, which is wonderful! I feel like I'm missing some of my musical experiences, but I just love music. For Christmas, my mom got me a ticket to hear the Utah Symphony play Harry Potter songs in February. I'm so excited!
5. My health- I feel like I sound like an old person being thankful for this, but I seriously have been thinking lately about how I'm so thankful for my health. I was sick yesterday and have been a bit under the weather lately (probably because of my lack of sleep from my busy life), but in general, I am a fairly healthy person, and I feel very grateful for this. 
6. Books- I've been able to read over the past week and over Thanksgiving break, and I have loved it! I love books! 
7. Funny things- Laughter is so great! I love when I've had a hard day or week and I go find something funny to help cheer me up, and it really helps. I also love funny people. They're the best!
8. Being American- How am I so blessed to have been born in America and born to a family that was able to provide for me and bring me so much comfort. I am truly wealthy. I have thought of this so much, and I so want to give back to those who are less fortunate than me. 
9. The best roommates- This sort of falls under the category of people, but I'm calling it different because not everyone I've been roommates with has become a close friend. I just have been thinking this year about how I've been so blessed roommate-wise. I have had some wonderful roommates who have become best friends. I have learned so much from roommates. Some people have horror stories with roommates, and I haven't had that. It's not like every situation has been perfect, but overall I've had a good experience with roommates, and I am thankful for that. 
10. Having learned new things this year- I feel like I've learned A LOT this year. I've been in school this last semester, yes, but I've also learned so much about life and people and tolerance. I've learned a lot from some lovely friends and family. I wish I could summarize it better all here, but maybe I'll write a post about it. 
11. The Ocean- I had the chance to visit the ocean this year for the first time in a few years. I also love lakes, but I realized the loveliness of the ocean that I had forgotten. I understood why people are so in love with the beach. I am still a mountain lover, not that I love one over the other, but I am happy to live near the beautiful mountains. 
12. Goodness- I don't know if this will make sense. I sometimes get very discouraged with the world. A lot of bad things happen, a lot of people have horrible lives, and a lot of people don't make good decisions. It makes me very sad. But then I hear stories of goodness. Or I see goodness. Times when people go out of their way to help others. Times when people keep going despite things being hard. It gives me so much hope, and I feel like if I can be good, and try, maybe I can help make the world a better place, at least to the tiniest bit. 
13. The new year- In the words of L.M. Montgomery in Anne of Green Gables, "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?" It's not like this year has been bad (it has been hard, but I don't think it's been bad), but I just like this thought. It's lovely.

I feel like this list is rather generic and boring. But I just feel thankful. 

Now

I feel like I have so much to say today, so I'm just going to spill some things.

So, I love school. However, I just had my last class before Thanksgiving break, and I still have work today and tomorrow, and I have a lot of homework to do, but having a couple days to get a bit more sleep and possibly some for fun reading in sounds like the most amazing thing ever! I am just feeling full of excitement for the rest of this week!

I also am feeling very full of joy. On Sunday, sacrament meeting was amazing. It was precisely what I needed. The talks were on gratitude, and as I listened, it was as though a part of me woke up. How could I have forgotten about how I want to live my life with an abundance of gratitude? And how had I forgotten the joy and love that gratitude brings? Somehow I had forgotten, but I received a beautiful reminder in those talks. I had been going through the motions of gratitude, saying thank you in my prayers and saying thank you to people in my life, and I knew I was thankful, but I wasn't actually feeling thankful. But with that reminder, I have changed my thinking. I ask myself: What am I really thankful for? And at moments when I'm feeling low, I only have a few things. But the funny thing is that once I really recognize and express and feel my gratitude for those few things, it brings me a little dose of joy, and then with that joy, I can see even more of the things that I'm grateful for. With my greater sight of the wonderful things around me, I am better able to see God's love for me and for everyone! I am able to see how people are really very talented and wonderful. It just requires opening my eyes through gratitude. Gratitude doesn't solve all my problems, but it allows me to see things in a more hopeful view. It allows me to feel like I can accomplish the things I need to accomplish, and I love it.

So, speaking of gratitude, I am so very grateful right now for my ward and fhe group. I can't say that I was too excited about this new ward when I moved. Not only was church at 8:30 a.m. (soo early!!), but I also felt like the ward was too big (since my previous ward was tiny), and I also felt really old in this ward. I had kind of planned to half participate in the ward. My schedule is crazy busy anyway, and I felt good about where I was in the gospel. However, this ward has been wonderful for me. I have met so many wonderful people, and I just get the feeling that this is where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to have these people in my life, and maybe they are supposed to have me in theirs. My FHE group is really fun and kind. It's been a while since I've been in a ward where I feel like I can rely on people like I feel I can now. My ward is also full of people who are very enthusiastic about the gospel, and their examples to me are helping me become better and realize that I can be enthusiastic too! This ward also pushes me out of my comfort zone somewhat often, which helps me grow.

I'm really glad Thanksgiving exists, just by the way. There are lots of great things about Thanksgiving!

How a consistent lack of sleep has affected me

So, I have not been getting much sleep. It's bad. But between the 10-hour school/work days, a several hours of homework each night, and several other things, it's kind of difficult to make sleep happen. But I need to fix this. Lack of sleep doesn't really do great things for me, or anyone probably.

So, here is the thing. I can actually function pretty well without much sleep. I don't even feel too sleepy most of the time, but here is how sleep does affect me negatively:

• I am incredibly grumpy without enough sleep. I pretty much hate mornings (more so than I would anyway) and hate other things. I'm not typically a hater.
• This is similar, but I am so very irritable without sleep. I feel so annoyed with people all the time. And the thing is that I know that this is mainly my problem, so then I feel annoyed with my irritability. It's a rude cycle. 
• I feel achy and like I just want to be lazy.
• I don't know if this is from lack of sleep, but I heard sleep deprivation can cause this problem, but I crave sugar all the time these days! What happened to healthy me? I think healthy me is still there, but wait, where are the cookies?
• I feel like my memory is terrible. Things I have known for a long time, I now have a hard time remembering. And remembering new things: good luck to myself with that! Normally I'm pretty good with names, but not so much right now. 
• I don't feel like I experience life fully. I actually still do a lot and have the energy to do a lot, but I feel like I get a little bit detached. 
• I keep feeling like sickness is coming. 

Ok, so I need to stop with this sleep deprivation fiasco. So, what am I going to do? Well, I think I want to set a goal. Here it goes. Getting fewer than six hours of sleep a night is not an option for me. You would think that this goal is not too bad, but it's actually kind of stressful to me. How am I supposed to get everything done that I need to? So, I need to remember to be nice to myself if this doesn't happen, but I also need to make this a major goal. I need to plan ahead where possible to make this happen.

Wish me luck on my sleep endeavors!