Tonight a surprising thought popped into my head:
Younger you would be happy with where you are at right now.
This got me contemplating younger me and thinking about how far I've come in life. I don't mean any of this to be arrogant, but this thought was enlightening in helping me feel gratitude for my life and realizing that perhaps I don't need to be quite so hard on myself, so I wanted to write about my thoughts.
Younger me was much more full of love, full of awe, and full of cheer. At least, that's how I remember it. I often long to be able to feel the way I felt when I was younger. I struggle to feel as much joy as I remember feeling in my younger years. Some things felt so much easier then than they do now. However, I do realize I may be misremembering some of this. Perhaps I remember the good more than the bad, but nonetheless, I do hope to one day reacquire some of the strengths I had in my younger years. But the ways I have changed have brought me different skills and strengths.
I think that if a time machine could have had younger me meeting current me, younger me would be surprised that some plans hadn't happened yet. I think younger me would perhaps be disappointed that a few things hadn't happened as planned or hoped. However, I don't think younger me would have been disappointed in me as a person. I think life's difficulties have allowed me to develop greater compassion and empathy for others. I may not as frequently feel that heart-encompassing love that I felt often when I was younger, but I think I am able to love and see people in deeper ways. I think younger me would have been happy that I still love learning and am true to who I am. Younger me would have been surprised and happy at how I've learned to be more assertive. I think younger me would have been happy with who I am dating.
I work as an editor and am good at what I do. I have traveled and have taken a road trip by myself. I explore and love adventure. I have my imagination. I have stayed close to my family and have dear, close friends.
As I pondered this concept tonight, I realized how grateful I am for how my life has turned out. All of my expectations have not been met. All of my dreams have not been fulfilled. But many things in my life have turned out well. I have grown as a person. I have loved. And I am still someone who values kindness and goodness and is true to who I am. I have a long way to go in improving as a human on this earth, and I don't want to stop growing and dreaming. But perhaps if things don't go perfectly as planned, and maybe if there are lots of rocks along the way, it will all be ok. Life isn't going to go along with my plans, but I can still learn and become and be me.
