Now

I feel like I have so much to say today, so I'm just going to spill some things.

So, I love school. However, I just had my last class before Thanksgiving break, and I still have work today and tomorrow, and I have a lot of homework to do, but having a couple days to get a bit more sleep and possibly some for fun reading in sounds like the most amazing thing ever! I am just feeling full of excitement for the rest of this week!

I also am feeling very full of joy. On Sunday, sacrament meeting was amazing. It was precisely what I needed. The talks were on gratitude, and as I listened, it was as though a part of me woke up. How could I have forgotten about how I want to live my life with an abundance of gratitude? And how had I forgotten the joy and love that gratitude brings? Somehow I had forgotten, but I received a beautiful reminder in those talks. I had been going through the motions of gratitude, saying thank you in my prayers and saying thank you to people in my life, and I knew I was thankful, but I wasn't actually feeling thankful. But with that reminder, I have changed my thinking. I ask myself: What am I really thankful for? And at moments when I'm feeling low, I only have a few things. But the funny thing is that once I really recognize and express and feel my gratitude for those few things, it brings me a little dose of joy, and then with that joy, I can see even more of the things that I'm grateful for. With my greater sight of the wonderful things around me, I am better able to see God's love for me and for everyone! I am able to see how people are really very talented and wonderful. It just requires opening my eyes through gratitude. Gratitude doesn't solve all my problems, but it allows me to see things in a more hopeful view. It allows me to feel like I can accomplish the things I need to accomplish, and I love it.

So, speaking of gratitude, I am so very grateful right now for my ward and fhe group. I can't say that I was too excited about this new ward when I moved. Not only was church at 8:30 a.m. (soo early!!), but I also felt like the ward was too big (since my previous ward was tiny), and I also felt really old in this ward. I had kind of planned to half participate in the ward. My schedule is crazy busy anyway, and I felt good about where I was in the gospel. However, this ward has been wonderful for me. I have met so many wonderful people, and I just get the feeling that this is where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to have these people in my life, and maybe they are supposed to have me in theirs. My FHE group is really fun and kind. It's been a while since I've been in a ward where I feel like I can rely on people like I feel I can now. My ward is also full of people who are very enthusiastic about the gospel, and their examples to me are helping me become better and realize that I can be enthusiastic too! This ward also pushes me out of my comfort zone somewhat often, which helps me grow.

I'm really glad Thanksgiving exists, just by the way. There are lots of great things about Thanksgiving!

How a consistent lack of sleep has affected me

So, I have not been getting much sleep. It's bad. But between the 10-hour school/work days, a several hours of homework each night, and several other things, it's kind of difficult to make sleep happen. But I need to fix this. Lack of sleep doesn't really do great things for me, or anyone probably.

So, here is the thing. I can actually function pretty well without much sleep. I don't even feel too sleepy most of the time, but here is how sleep does affect me negatively:

• I am incredibly grumpy without enough sleep. I pretty much hate mornings (more so than I would anyway) and hate other things. I'm not typically a hater.
• This is similar, but I am so very irritable without sleep. I feel so annoyed with people all the time. And the thing is that I know that this is mainly my problem, so then I feel annoyed with my irritability. It's a rude cycle. 
• I feel achy and like I just want to be lazy.
• I don't know if this is from lack of sleep, but I heard sleep deprivation can cause this problem, but I crave sugar all the time these days! What happened to healthy me? I think healthy me is still there, but wait, where are the cookies?
• I feel like my memory is terrible. Things I have known for a long time, I now have a hard time remembering. And remembering new things: good luck to myself with that! Normally I'm pretty good with names, but not so much right now. 
• I don't feel like I experience life fully. I actually still do a lot and have the energy to do a lot, but I feel like I get a little bit detached. 
• I keep feeling like sickness is coming. 

Ok, so I need to stop with this sleep deprivation fiasco. So, what am I going to do? Well, I think I want to set a goal. Here it goes. Getting fewer than six hours of sleep a night is not an option for me. You would think that this goal is not too bad, but it's actually kind of stressful to me. How am I supposed to get everything done that I need to? So, I need to remember to be nice to myself if this doesn't happen, but I also need to make this a major goal. I need to plan ahead where possible to make this happen.

Wish me luck on my sleep endeavors!